What Makes People Happy?
Maybe We Have It All Wrong
What makes people happy?
I don’t particularly like the word happy. It’s been overused and abused by those of us with rich people’s problems for far too long. Yet, I think it’s the only word that people relate to in the most prosperous countries in the world.
So, I’ll make an exception and use it for the purpose of this article.
Happy — there are at least 104 synonyms for the word happy. You can see the whole list by following the link below. Here’s a few that I selected …
- cheerful
- contented
- delighted
- ecstatic
- elated
- glad
- joyful
- joyous
- jubilant
- lively
- merry
- overjoyed
- peaceful
- pleasant
- pleased
- satisfied
- thrilled
- upbeat
- blessed
- blest
The antonyms are worth taking a look at, too.
MOST RELEVANT
- depressed
- disappointed
- disturbed
- down
- grave
- melancholy
- miserable
- not happy
- sad
- serious
- sorrowful
- troubled
- unhappy
- upset
- discouraged
- dissatisfied
- forsaken
- hopeless
- morose
- pained
Hmmmm …
After comparing the lists, I had to ask myself if I know more people who are dissatisfied or contented? How about discouraged or cheerful? Or upset or pleased? Pick a pair of opposites from the two lists and ask yourself the same question.
Now, I know that happy isn’t a permanent state. It’s one of many, many emotions that humans experience within a week, a day, even an hour. Contrary to popular opinion, we have a wide range of possible emotions. In American culture, however, happiness is a goal. It’s based on ideas like …
I deserve to be happy
If I’m not happy it’s because I focus on negativity
I can choose to be happy
Money can buy me happiness
My relationships determine my happiness
And, of course, the promise that material things will make me happy because we live in a material world.
There’s more…
There are religious people who push the wealth and prosperity message as well. I guess having a personal relationship with the ruler of the universe isn’t enough.
Advertising focuses on selling happiness to expectant customers. Just look at all those beautiful women leaning on the arm of a rich, handsome man. If only I can be happy like them.
Social media has created a false picture of happiness. People brand themselves as happily married, happily in love, on a happy trip and in love with their happy lives.
To tell you the truth, I’m tired of the western world complaining, whining, branding and pretending.
Many of us have rich girls’ problems or a wealthy man’s woes. It’s time to be realistic. If we can, that is, because apparently the human brain is wired to focus on our own problems. Even empathy, for those of us who have any, will only get you so far. Until we’ve walked in someone else’s shoes, we can’t know how it feels.
Here’s a little food for thought.
How rich am I with a roof over my head, food in my belly, a car, and a little money in the bank? Forget about the 1% for a minute. Those of us with full bellies and warm beds, a car to get us to work, and enough savings to go on vacation once a year, are just as admired (or hated) by a huge segment of the world as the 1% are by the middle class.
I’m rich.
Not Jeff Bezos rich or even rich like a doctor might be, but my problems seem small when seen through the lens of those who have little. The world is my home and as a world citizen, it’s humbling to be in such a privileged category.
After a quick examination of the benefits of having some money, mostly an adequate amount to meet your basic needs, we soon realize that EXTRA money doesn’t make people happier.
We can always find something to worry about. Most of us have a fairly long wish list. Being richer than 50% of the world’s people doesn’t register like it should, not on a daily basis. We soon forget to count our blessings because we tend to want more.
I’m pretty sure that happiness doesn’t really exist other than as a fleeting moment here and there.
Our desire to achieve happiness is fraught with unrealistic expectations. In fact, the very desire that drives us to seek happiness is actually stressful.
Life is a series of problems demanding to be solved.
We knew that once upon a time when we lived closer to nature and struggled to keep food on the table. Happiness wasn’t the main goal, survival was. Human lifespans were short. The farther back you go in time, the shorter the lifespan.
Modern humans tend to waste the feel-good moments that come their way.
I’ve always thought it was strange that many people associate having a good time with getting drunk or high. Those little bits of free time and camaraderie dimmed by social sedatives. Are we capable of just savoring a moment, brief as it may be, before the next problem hits us? I wonder.
I’m not pointing fingers with this article.
I’m just as guilty when it comes to squandering those feel-good moments that come my way. Not with booze so much but with intrusive thoughts that take up space in my head. As my self-awareness has grown over the years, I’m getting better at recognizing when my brain is attempting to sabotage my feel-good moments.
Self-awareness is not an easy thing to develop, however.
Many people walk through life with little or no awareness of what makes them tick. They tend to look for external circumstances to explain personal problems. I’m not sure if self-awareness creates more happiness, but it is the key to identifying options or accepting things we can’t change about others or ourselves.
Perhaps contentment and gratitude are the most we can hope for in the long run.
I honestly have no idea what makes other people happy. Frankly, I don’t know any happy people. I just know a lot of people who want to be happy, chase after happiness, and sometimes feel cheated when they can’t hang on to it.
Is that as good as it gets? I honestly don’t know. I’ve decided, however, that I want to be present if and when I bump into happiness from time to time.
Teresa is an author, world traveler, and professional myth buster. You can find her books on Amazon.
