So You Want to Be a God?

Teresa Roberts
4 min readJun 24, 2022

Or Maybe a Goddess? (Satire and Sarcasm)

My idea of socializing is sipping Spanish coffee by the beach (my photo)

Gods are lucky. They never have to show their faces. They don’t even pick up the phone to answer our calls. Nobody seems to think that’s rude.

If I behave like a god, I make people angry. How arrogant of me.

Yet, even though gods are invisible, they remain a hot topic of conversation. There’s a lot of confusion about which god is the one true god. Sometimes, the debate has led to wars. Not everyone thinks there’s only room in the cosmos for one god. There are those who believe in many gods. They even invent their own gods. New-age spirituality has made that trendy.

Regardless of whose god it is, they all remain invisible and silent.

I think if there is a god, she’s a recluse. If that’s the case, I have more in common with her than I thought. Yesterday I went out to eat, a rare thing for me to do. I had a hankering for Thai food. I arrived early, just as the restaurant opened.

I ate on the patio. No one was there except my husband and me. Good times!

When I travel, it’s off-season. I hate crowds. Vacationing isn’t about making friends. I want to take in the sights and sounds. Everyone else is merely extras in the background of my theatrical production. The fewer occupying that background, the happier I am.

I think that’s the way the gods feel about people, too.

What surprises me the most is how loyal people are to their gods. Even though they never get to see them or talk to them. Don’t get me wrong. I’m not implying that people are on their best behavior because of their gods. Their loyalty has little to do with behaving well.

Many religious people who faithfully defend their gods from the likes of me behave rather poorly overall.

I’m no saint, but you’d never catch me refusing to feed hungry children, for example. I taught elementary school. Our free lunch program was essential. Hungry children don’t do as well in school.

Despite all the above, people will fight for their gods.

Even those who rarely attend a church refuse to turn their backs on their gods. Usually, it’s a god that was handed to them at birth. In other words, they didn’t get to choose him.

I think a lot of people hedge their bets.

You know, just in case there is a god. Kinda like keeping all their options open. And, if god forbid, they face death unprepared to meet their maker, then they hope that a record of believing in god will suffice. They’ll also throw in a great big I’m sorry while keeping their fingers crossed.

Still, I contend that gods are lucky.

They can get by with anything. There’s no accountability whatsoever for their actions. It’s kind of like when moms and dads whip their kids for fighting and then turn around and have a big knock-down-drag-out of their own. What child doesn’t wish they were grownups instead of kids?

And, boy, don’t gods get angry.

Talk about the wrath of a god. Right? They can destroy an entire village with a flick of the wrist. It’s terrifying. One god turned a woman into a pillar of salt. A pillar of salt! It doesn’t get much weirder than that. Oh, get this! The woman dared to look over her shoulder as she fled the village even though god had told her not to sneak so much as a peek. Yep! She did it anyway. BOOM! She was a pillar of salt.

Who but a god could think up such an unusual punishment?

I’ve wanted to turn an occasional person into a plastic pole at the very least from time to time, but I held back the urge. That’s not considered reasonable adult behavior in the world of humans. What do we know? We’re just humans, after all.

But you can do whatever you want if you’re a god.

Gods are lucky. I think lots of humans want to be a god or a goddess. They’d love to have statues or portraits of themselves decorating the halls of museums and palaces. It’s called leaving a legacy. Just the thought of generations of people gazing up at your portrait in awe is intoxicating. What’s even better than that, however, is occupying a position of power while you’re alive.

What a rush!

Plus, it’s fun to grant or deny on a whim. You have the power to make lives better, even spare lives, but will you? That’s the question. It’s “the not knowing” that makes those seeking your help pitiful and those with all the power so godlike.

I don’t believe in any of the gods.

I tell my devout friends that we’re all atheists. I merely refuse to believe in one less god than they do. Still, humanity’s love of gods makes me wonder.

Did gods create us or did we create them?

Yes, gods are pretty cool. Who wouldn’t prefer to be a god? I might enjoy being a goddess, especially if that meant I never again had to be around anyone who annoyed me.

Talk about cosmic bliss!

Teresa Roberts is a retired educator, author, world traveler, and professional myth buster. You can find her books on Amazon.

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Teresa Roberts

Teresa is an author, world traveler, and professional myth buster. She’s also a top writer on climate change and the future.