Nobody Will Remember Your Name
Let Alone What Made You Sad or Happy
Why do we worry so much about what people think of us?
Why do we spend an unusual amount of time getting our feelings hurt by something someone said? Do we really not feel alive unless another person is not only witnessing our lives but better yet validating our lives?
Inquiring minds want to know.
I want to know. I’ve wondered why people often feel like the center of the universe even when it’s obvious that no one is giving them much thought at all.
It’s all a mystery of the brain, this attachment to approval, to being noticed. We go through life thinking about what people are thinking about us. And for what?
They say that after we die, our grandchildren have trouble remembering our middle names.
Even our children have little to no idea what made us tick. Our fears, joys, worries, and accomplishments were never the focal point of their lives. By the third generation, we’ve pretty well disappeared.
It’s almost as though we were never here.
Yet, we fuss with people, try to change their minds, feel obligated to justify our choices in life, and often put what we long to do on the back burner until it’s too late. Death arrives, often unannounced, and our chance to do that thing, learn to play that instrument, love that person, sing that song, and have that adventure is gone for good.
But guess what.
Nobody cares. Not really. When you’re gone, you’re gone. Out of sight. Mostly out of mind. People might be momentarily sad but they are forced to get back to living their lives. They will attend your funeral but shortly thereafter, they’re hungry, tired, horny, or bored. They will, little by little, smile again, laugh again, and go on with their own lives. And you?
You will never get another chance, another do over, a second opportunity to live the life you wanted to live.
I’m sorry but it’s a crying shame that the need to belong is stronger than the need to live an intentional life. Yet, it is, for a lot of people all of the time and for others at least part of the time. I’m here to say, however, that you might as well live your life according to your own terms.
People may not always be supportive, but that’s none of your business.
You are the center of your universe and that’s as good as it gets. No one else will do a better job at giving you what you need than you. You know what you need and when left up to others, you stand a big chance of not getting what you need. Why? Because they’re the center of their own universe and are most likely more interested in what they want than what you want.
That’s life.
Sure, we can be momentarily kind and thoughtful, supportive and genuinely interested in others, but it’s not sustainable. Eventually, we must turn our attention toward meeting our own needs.
And there’s nothing wrong with that.
In fact, it’s our job to take care of ourselves. Waiting for someone else to meet our needs is an exercise in futility. Why? Because they’ll be busy most of the time taking care of their own needs.
As they should.
Living a deliberate life isn’t as easy as it sounds. It requires a lot of determination and personal growth to rise above the tribe and make your own decisions.
But if you don’t, you’ll never get another chance.
Teresa is an author, world traveler, and professional myth buster. You can find her books on Amazon.
