Living Outside the Box
Even When You’re Old
Every now and again, I reassess my life by asking myself a few questions.
What do I want to accomplish? How should I solve problems? What are my needs? Am I in a rut? Am I doing the same thing over and over hoping for different results? Are there toxic people in my life that I need to cut ties with? Am I setting clear boundaries with those I choose to keep in my life? Is something I’m doing no longer worth the effort? Am I trying to control things that I have no control over?
This is my short list.
I ask some of these questions often, but there are occasions in my life when I just know that I need to ask all of the questions. I think I’m at one of those strategic points again.
How do I want to live the last years of my life?
I think it may be time to recreate myself, again, into a more appropriate version of who I am. Don’t get me wrong, I know that the core of who I am will never change. To even try to change that piece of myself would be detrimental if not impossible.
No, the changes I try to make are largely designed to honor that core person within ME.
It’s hard to live an authentic life. It’s easier to just be what you’re told you should be. Our cultures demand we conform. Our parents insist we accept their version of the truth. Our friends, employers, ministers, politicians, even our enemies aren’t comfortable with diversity. We’re only presented with a handful of options, a few variations of how to live a culturally accepted life even in what’s considered a free society.
That’s why everyone for the most part dresses alike, worships the same god, and celebrates the same holidays and traditions.
Little Boxes
Little boxes on the hillside
Little boxes made of ticky tacky
Little boxes on the hillside
Little boxes all the same
There’s a pink one and a green one
And a blue one and a yellow one
And they’re all made out of ticky tacky
And they all look just the same
And the people in the houses
All went to the university
Where they were put in boxes
And they came out all the same
And there’s doctors and lawyers
And business executives
And they’re all made out of ticky tacky
And they all look just the same
And they all play on the golf course
And drink their martinis dry
And they all have pretty children
And the children go to school
And the children go to summer camp
And then to the university
Where they are put in boxes
And they come out all the same
And the boys go into business
And marry and raise a family
In boxes made of ticky tacky
And they all look just the same
There’s a pink one and a green one
And a blue one and a yellow one
And they’re all made out of ticky tacky
And they all look just the same
Songwriters: Malvina Reynolds
I fell in love with this song the minute that I heard it. Malvina Reynolds wrote it in 1962 and Pete Seeger made it a hit song in 1963. He sang it in an attempt to mock suburbia and middle-class conformity. I first heard it as the theme song on the Showtime hit series Weeds.
There’s so much that we do out of habit. We have very few examples of how to do anything differently. Regardless of where we’re born, humans conform to the culture they inherited through the sheer lottery of birth.
They rarely question a thing.
I grew up outside the mainstream culture, so I think that’s given me a slightly different perspective. I’m able to see through cultural bullshit a little easier perhaps.
I’ve taken a few risks beyond leaving the religious cult I was raised in and venturing out into American civilian life.
I built a successful career only to retire at age 54, sell everything that I owned, and travel the world for four years. I’ve lived without debt for several decades with little to no desire to live the American Dream. I’ve never had a click, a group, or a circle.
I tend to look at what everyone is doing and then do something different.
Partly because I love options. I mean if I have a problem that needs solving, I want to find as many options as possible. As long as I have options, I have hope. The more options, the better. I’ve always been amazed at how many people feel that they have no options at all.
I’m 71 years old and am still trying to identify my options in life. Here’s another short list. These are aspects of being older that have changed what I need.
- I need people less and less.
- I need peace more than drama.
- I have almost no need for validation
- I no longer care what almost anyone thinks of me
- My bucket list has dwindled, but my fuck it list has grown.
I’m in a good place. In fact, these may very well be the best days of my life. It’s as though, the social blinders have completely dropped from my eyes. I see clearly now. The things that I use to worry about were essentially a waste of my time. I’m free from so many self-imposed restrictions.
So, here’s a few answers to my questions as I endeavor to realign with my authentic self.
I’m going to slow down, intentionally. I’m going to give up trying to fix things that I have no control over. The journey from here on out will be less planned and more spontaneous. If there’s something that I want to do, I’ll do it. I also need to read less news, spend less time on social media, and write more. I’m working on a new novel. I plan to have fun with it. Last but not least, I need to refuse to be softspoken. If there’s something that needs to be said, I’m going to say it. Time is running out, so I refuse to waste a minute of what’s left. If there’s a need for somebody to speak up, I’ll take the risk and do it.
What have I got to lose. Right?
The stereotypical old woman dodders and is confused. She sits alone and fusses. She’s supposed to be baking for the grandkids and worrying in her spare time. I’ve never fit the stereotype, however, at any age. I shunned a big wedding, wedding gown, graduation parties, consumerism, religion, most traditions, and rituals including patriotism. I supported myself and remained an independent person.
Why on earth would I start conforming now.?
From this point on and up to and including my death, I refuse to conform. I will be a fiery old woman who tries new things and does the opposite of what most old people do. When I die, there’ll be no funeral service, not even a memorial service, no rituals nor traditions. I’ll go out like an extinguished flame without spending a penny in the process.
I’ll do it my way!
Teresa is an author, world traveler, and professional myth buster. You can find her books on Amazon.
