I’m Confused By the Divorce Rate of the Party of Family Values
Trust Me, Saying Gay Isn’t What Your Kids Worry About?
I’d really like to ask the party of family values this question.
Which one of these two scenarios do you think would harm your children the most? Getting a divorce or living down the street from a married gay couple?
Think it over.
In fact, even if you aren’t from the party of family values, you should think it over, too, because this party is becoming more than a nuisance. They’re becoming a liability and not just to the gay couple down the street but to me and my family as well.
It’s difficult for me to wrap my head around the party of family values.
They claim to believe that their fearless leader was sent by a god to rule America. Yet, he’s been married three times, has had children by all three wives, and cheated on his first wife, Ivana. She was his first wife, but he was her second husband. He cheated on her with the woman who became his second wife. Then he divorced again and married his current wife. Ivana went on to marry and divorce three more times. Whew! That story makes my head spin.
Yet saying the word gay is what you’re worried about?
Let’s mull this over together. Shall we?
So, I ask again, point blank, which action causes the most damage to family values? Or better yet, which action has the potential to leave lasting scars on the children you insist on bringing into the world?
While you sit with this question for a minute, I’ll present a little history lesson.
Oh, goody. Here comes the history lesson. You know, the things that happened in the past that we should have learned not to repeat by now. Yeah, that history.
Gulp!
History has not been kind to people—especially women—who sought divorce. In the U.S., Americans had to wait until the 60s to have what is called a no fault divorce. That meant that FINALLY either party could walk away without having to prove wrongdoing first.
Hallelujah!
Why did it take until the 60s to make it easier to get a divorce? I mean divorce has been around for a long time. Why did our government make it so hard for so many people for so long?
Well, there are a lot of reasons no doubt that divorce was such a sizzling HOT political issue for so damn long, not the least of which was the influence of the church.
Yep! Church and state have never really been separated in American culture. Americans ARE the church if you ask me. Christianity has shaped our culture and there’s no denying it. As much as I hate religion, churches have often set the standards for what I can and cannot do.
Not all religions are allowed to influence our culture, mind you.
Only the best religion has been divinely approved in America. So much so that our government has always responded to the call of preachers, priests, and ministers. And the people approved.
Well, most people approved.
There were always those of us who refused to be baptized, prayed for, and preyed upon, but we knew it wasn’t without great risk. Everyone else conformed for the most part.
Conforming produces bullies without fail, so Americans bullied the atheist, gays, free thinkers, and anyone who dared to stand up to them.
I’m not talking about a revolution either. I’m just talking about those of us who simply chose to get on with our own lives without conforming to mainstream demands.
That’s how much they hated us, ostracized us, and refused to allow us into the presence of polite company.
Get a divorce and your neighbors will be whispering about you behind your back. Marry a nonwhite person and watch the expressions on the faces of your relatives. Live together without a marriage contract if you dare.
Everyone will shun you.
Turns out it’s never been Christians who are persecuted in America, as much as they love to see themselves in that light. It’s always been those who refused to conform to the mainstream Christian lifestyle.
Of course, there’s a case to be made for the marriage vows being sacred in the Bible people tell me.
I don’t use the Bible as a guide for my own behavior, but many Americans consider it to be a holy book. Even if they don’t really live the life they claim will get them through the pearly gates, they like to insist that everyone else does.
I grew up in a religious cult that allowed divorce on rare occasions, but didn't allow remarriage as long as both spouses were living.
Until death do us part was a vow to be taken seriously. If a person did remarry, they were called adulterers. Yikes. That’s a heavy-duty-biblical demand.
I guess there’s a whole bunch of adulterers sitting in church pews these days.
Did you know that there are as many divorced Christians as there are divorced unbelievers? So, apparently, the sanctity of marriage even when blessed by the church doesn’t seem to hold up any better than a secular marriage between an atheist couple.
Okay let’s move on.
Spare me a few more minutes if you will. Let’s take this little exercise one step further. What do psychologists have to say about the effects of divorce on children?
Sorry, gang, but like it or not, divorce really isn’t good for kids.
Studies of adolescents after a parental divorce show that many children fear that their future marriages will lack love, trust, or communication, and that they will be beset by infidelity, conflict, or abuse.
The effects of divorce on children include emotional trauma.
When a parent isn’t available any longer it can leave the child questioning whether or not it was their fault. Even resilient young people from divorced families often report painful feelings or encounters with one or both parents.
Kids experience discomfort from their parent’s divorce.
The new living arrangements are stressful and confusing. They can’t figure out why their parents no longer love each other. The steady stream of boyfriends and girlfriends their parents drag into the house are disconcerting as well. The reaction to divorce differs according to the age of a child, but even teens experience anger and discomfort when parents split up. It inconveniences their lives and often results with them looking for someone to blame.
Bottom line, even though divorce is widely accepted even by Christians, children are traumatized by this life-altering event.
Now don’t get me wrong. I highly approve of no fault divorce. As long as our culture demands that our offspring marry and have kids in order to fit into the mainstream, we best give them a way out of a situation that tends to fail rather than succeed, at least in the way the storybooks tell us it should. There have been too many unhappy marriages, even abusive relationships, to refuse anyone the right to end their marriage contract.
Children don’t particulalrly thrive in a house full of hate either.
BUT
BUT
Have you noticed there’s always a big BUT in the way?
BUT what?
Christians are pretty stubborn and disgustingly hypocritical? Is that what you were going to say? I agree. Do they honestly believe that the downfall of the American family is due to gay people falling in love and getting married? They love to tell you they do. They even insist on removing the word gay from the classroom but divorce which is far, far, far more detrimental is perfectly fine?
C’mon!
Both divorce and gay marriage have been banned by society in the past and both have been stigmatized and made illegal at one time or another. But only gay marriage gets to take credit for undermining the family and hurting children.
Honestly, which one do you think hurts families more? Divorced heterosexual parents or a gay couple living somewhere in the village?
It’s ludicrous to even have to ask. I contend that religious people are so adamant about gay marriage because they have an overwhelming need to establish a moral high ground from which to prosiletyze. Without a way to elevate themselves, they can’t claim moral superiority over everyone else, insisting that we need to convert and become one of them. If they’re just like the rest of us, then why do we need saving?
So once divorce was normalized, they had to find something else to demonize.
Wouldn’t it be nice if Christians chose instead to focus on kindness and love, nonjudgmental behavior, welcoming the poor into our country, and lending a helping hand?
Heck ! I’d settle for separation of church and state.
Teresa is a retired educator, author, world traveler, and professional myth buster. You can find her books on Amazon.
