I Feel Like a Mind With An Appendage, My Body
What About You?
I make mental connections. What about you?
I used to ask this question. Do you feel like a mind carrying around a body or a body carrying around a mind? People would look at me with the strangest expressions on their faces.
I feel predominantly like a mind with this appendage called my body. If I can’t make a mental connection with someone, however, I’ll never feel like we’re on the same page.
Consequently, I have very few friends. I have lots of acquaintances. Most people I think would describe me as socially adept, but the kind of intimacy and connection that comes with friendship has been rare. Once again, I think it’s my way of connecting that makes it a little more challenging. My mind seeks a mental connection. I think a lot of people are very satisfied with a physical connection.
To be more precise.
I think we’re wired to relate to people either one way or the other. We don’t get to choose our wiring. We may be wired this way from birth or become a mixture of our original wiring and early experiences.
Until we understand which way we relate with others, it can be confusing.
In order for me to feel connected to another person, we must first experience a meeting of the minds. I can have that mental connection with men or women. When it happens, I recognize it because I feel like we just tapped into the same circuit. They get me and I get them, at least temporarily. It feels meaningful. I’m not a small talker.
Generally the connection takes place through deeper conversation.
I can have a long, meaningful conversation with someone and then later can’t recall if the person wore glasses or what they had to drink. The physicality of the experience is overshadowed by the mental connection.
I eventually realized that lots of people don’t require the mental connection.
They respond to the physical aspects of another person. What they wore, how they smelled, how tall they were, if they stood close to one another, the color of their eyes, if they smiled a lot, and on and on. Much of it is subliminal even in my case. We’re just doing what we’re wired to do and responding to cues and unintentional suggestions from the other party.
I’m also an introvert so I rarely feel lonely or bored because I’m endlessly fascinated with my own company.
As a writer, I spend countless hours alone with my thoughts. I live in a room in my mind and it’s my favorite place to return to after I’ve spent time with other people.
People can and do wear me out.
It’s not them. It’s me. Over the years, I’ve kept a short list of good friends, however. My sisters are two of them. We are deeply connected and can spend long hours discussing a myriad of topics. Many people find delving below the surface tiring. Not me. We are who we are, and I’ve long ago accepted who I am.
So, do you feel like a mind with a body or a body with a mind or something else entirely? I’m just trying to make a connection with that question.
Teresa is a retired educator, author, world traveler, and professional myth buster. You can find her books on Amazon.