Do the Good Guys Always Finish Last?
How Do the Good Gals Figure In?
Several years ago, I wrote an article for another website that garnered quite a bit of criticism. You might say it stirred up a bee’s nest.
Frankly, I was a little surprised at the reaction, but after giving it much thought, it started to make sense. The article addressed an issue that had been bothering me for some time. I’m a feminist, and I suspect I was born that way. I grew up in a very patriarchal religious cult and, as a child, chafed at the bit to free myself.
I have always been on the side of equal rights for women — not just because it’s fair, but also because it makes sense.
The world is designed to flourish through diversity. When it comes to problem-solving, our survival depends on many perspectives and ideas. Women bring a perspective to the art of survival that is uniquely their own, and the whole world benefits from this. It is a win-win for the species. A free flow of ideas guarantees more solutions, and the more solutions we have to choose from, the better off we’ll be.
It literally ups our chances of survival.
Now bear with me for a bit, as I’m about to dig a little deeper, and for some, this will feel controversial. The article I mentioned, which caused a bit of backlash, dealt with the question of how much responsibility women have when it comes to choosing better life partners. It’s a well-known fact that marital abuse is a worldwide problem. We need solutions not only to protect women but to build more stable families. After all, as frail as the family unit often is, it’s through the family that we produce the next generation. If we want to increase our chances of creating a generation that is well-rounded, secure, and strong, the best way to do it is through the family.
Let’s face it, we aren’t batting a thousand when it comes to family life.
I contend that women have more power than they think to influence the world we live in and society at large. They choose whose genes to pass down to the next generation. Choosing the wrong guy affects all of us. Yet, in our society, the “bad boys” are often presented as exciting, manly, and sexy. Think of all the movies where the bad boy is glamorized. There’s an element of intrigue to their swagger and volatile temperaments. Girls through the ages have often equated it with power, maybe even the power to better protect them, make more money, and produce more children.
Much of what we do is instinctual or emotional.
It’s not like we think things through before we take the next step in life.
We react and respond to what’s happening around us. If our culture tells us that a tough guy or a bad boy is a good catch, we tend to search for the boy who fulfills these cultural expectations. When bad boys are romanticized over and over again in literature and movies, even in religion and politics, and certainly when it comes to economics and money, it stands to reason that an 18-year-old girl with no experience will find this type of boy to be the man of her dreams — until she’s married to him.
Then we get to hear about how hard her life has become.
Where does that leave the good guy? Well, the good guy often gets to clean up the messes that the bad boy leaves behind. That’s if the girl learns from her mistake and doesn’t pick another bad guy, which sometimes they do. The good guy helps to raise the bad boy’s kids and is a steady worker, more conscientious about his duties, and trustworthy.
What’s not to like about that?
If I had a dollar for every time a woman has told me that she has a really nice guy who’s interested in her but she just isn’t attracted to him — you know, the infamous chemistry is missing — I’d have a fair amount of extra money in the bank by now. My own grandmother was one of these girls. Granted, she was barely 14 when she got married, but she had two boys who were interested in her, and she ended up marrying the one that the village had nicknamed “Streak” because he was so fast with the girls. The other guy, according to her, didn’t marry for years after she turned him down. He carried a torch for her instead.
Go figure.
Ladies, we have so much more power than we think. We must never forget that. If you’re hoping to change a man, forget about it. Nobody can change another person. We can barely change our own self-destructive habits. Somehow, women have to learn how to differentiate between a good partner and a bad partner and then choose accordingly. We need to teach our daughters a new perspective on what constitutes a good guy and a good relationship — who qualifies as a potentially good parent, and what it means to feel loved and protected.
We also need to send the message to our children that money and power do not make a good person.
In fact, it’s often the other way around. Those who have collected the largest spoils in life are often corrupt and dangerous. Bigger isn’t always better. Living the high life isn’t admirable. Being a gold digger isn’t an ethical way to secure a good life.
What qualities should girls be looking for in a partner, especially as the father of their offspring?
The good guy has been waiting patiently, but sometimes a bit confused, for girls to appreciate their dependable qualities. They’re appalled by how a bad guy treats women. They are more patient and kind to the bad guy’s kids than the bad guy has ever been. When they have their own kids, they are interested in developing a true relationship with their children. They are decent to the core but often overlooked for the wild and wanton ways of a worthless man who should never participate in helping to produce more life on this planet.
Let’s face it, children are the forgotten ones.
They suffer at the hands of these destructive men who take zero responsibility for their negligent and harmful lifestyles. Children are the silent sufferers with no voice, totally dependent on adults to protect their rights.
The lives of women have improved significantly in the last 100 years.
We still have to pay attention because the patriarchy isn’t dead, but we are at a place where we can make our own money and develop our own sense of self. We don’t need a man in the same way my grandmother needed a man. It’s time to put on our big girl britches and take full responsibility for our lives. That means choosing better partners and, most importantly, not giving children to bad boys. We get to determine who passes their genes on to the next generation.
Women need to be less instinctual and emotional.
Instead, we should make rational life choices. It’s a whole new way of looking at life and will take commitment and practice to master it. But if we don’t do it, no one will. We can change the lives of future children. We can guarantee better lives for our daughters. We can redefine cultural expectations. We can build stronger and safer families, which will produce a less damaged next generation. Women are responsible for picking the good guy over the bad guy. That means we need to be able to recognize the difference between the two.
If we can take this next step in social evolution, the world will thank us.
Teresa is an author and professional myth buster. You can find her books on Amazon.
